"We all know about the big dust-up between President Bush and the Senate leadership over his wanting to
change the Geneva Conventions, right? Well, on Thursday, they reached a compromise. That's not just a victory for Bush, it's
a victory for the country because basic human rights is something we all need to compromise on." --Stephen Colbert
"Did you have the chance to see former President Bill Clinton on the Fox News show on Sunday? He got very
upset. He went ballistic. He was loud. He was angry and confrontational. So, Fox gave him a show." --David Letterman
"The Transportation Security Administration has partially lifted the ban on carry-on liquids for air flights.
You can bring liquids on the plane, as long as they are purchased from secure airport stores. What a relief, huh? See now
instead of bringing your own hair gel, you can buy a three ounce tube at the airport for $162." --Jay Leno
"President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace on Fox News this past Sunday.
I like Bill Clinton, but if he can't be pleasant and polite, I don't think he's gonna be the kind of first lady Hillary's
going to need." --Jay Leno
"This Sunday, the New Orleans Saints, with running back
Reggie Bush, will play their first home game since Hurricane Katrina in the Superdome against the Falcons. It will also be
the first time in recent memory the people of New Orleans be will cheering someone named Bush." --Jay Leno
"The
Venezuelan President went to the U.N. and called Bush the devil. You could tell Bush was offended, because his tail stopped
wagging. Bush said, 'I would love to answer your ridiculous charge that I'm the devil, but I'm a little too busy this week
trying to unite my party behind torturing people.'." --Bill Maher
"The U.N. says that there is more torture going on in Iraq than when Saddam was
in power. Bush shot back. He said, 'That is just the opinion of one individual who doesn't know the difference between regular
torture and freedom torture.'." --Bill Maher
"Oil has fallen to $60 a barrel. Experts predict
it will continue to fall until exactly one minute after the polls close on November 7th." --Jay Leno
"The situation might be improving in Dhi Qar, but
conditions continue to deteriorate in the capital of Bagdad. So with sectarian violence spreading, U.S. forces have approved
an Iraq plan to protect Baghdad by digging trenches around the entire city, completely protecting Baghdad from World War I
era soldiers." --Jon Stewart
